Sweet Dreams
by writeallnight
Summary: Having a new baby is anything but easy. Ron and Hermione, delirious with sleep deprivation, find themselves at the mercy of their daughter and completely without a clue. Hilarity and cuteness ensue.


A/N: This was written for the 2017 Romione Fluffest on Tumblr using the prompt "They both hate the song that one of the children's toys makes." You know, I always think I really love writing angsty, emotional stuff. And then I write adorable, humorous things and I'm like...this is way more fun! The former I guess is more cathartic while the latter just makes me so delighted. Hopefully you are delighted as well!

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"Is she hungry?"

"No I've tried, she won't eat."

"Maybe she's wet."

"She can't be, I've only just changed her."

"Could she be sick?"

"I don't know Ron, you're not the only one here who's never had a baby before!" Hermione said in exasperation, bouncing her screaming child tiredly where she sat on their bed.

"Well we have to do something! She's been crying for hours!"

"I know." Hermione seemed on the verge of a nervous collapse. "I don't think there's any hope for it."

It didn't seem possible that Ron's face could fall any further, but it did. "Again?"

"It's the only thing she likes!" She looked at him, tears in her eyes. "We have to. I can't take listening to her like this any longer."

As if sensing that her mildly famous, but woefully inexperienced parents were at their wits end, three-week-old Rose Granger-Weasley let out a bloodcurdling scream that caused the hair on the back of Ron's neck to stand up.

"All right! All right!" his voice cracked in panic. "Put her in the basinet!"

Hermione laid the baby in her bed, still shrieking at the top of her lungs. "All right Rosie, it's all right," Ron told her. "I've got your toy right here."

He pushed the button and then sat down heavily on the bed next to his wife as tinny music filled the room. "I hate that bloody toy," he said tiredly.

"Don't swear in front of the baby," Hermione said automatically, her monotone voice an indication of how much she also hated _that toy_.

The offending toy was a little lion with a button in the center which, when pressed, caused it to light up and play an electronic version of a song that was vaguely familiar, but to which neither Ron nor Hermione, in their sleep deprived state, could remember the words. It was the only thing that calmed their distraught child, but it also meant neither one of them could sleep as the sound was _incredibly_ annoying and it only played for one minute and twelve seconds before shutting off. As soon as it did, Rose would cry and the cycle started all over again.

"I cannot believe that our beautiful, magical baby will only fall asleep to a muggle toy your parents bought for five pounds, that makes me want to rip my ears off," Ron told his wife.

"What are we going to do?" Hermione asked. "We haven't slept in a week. What if she never stops crying? What if we just have to keep pressing the button on that toy over and over and over again? How is she ever going to function? How is she going to go to Hogwarts or get a job?"

Ron's eyes were wide. "We'll have to go to Hogwarts with her. How are we going to do that? I can't get into the girl's dormitory," he said. "Oh god, what are we going to do?"

It was a clear mark of exhaustion that both of them were completely serious and that neither realized the ridiculousness of these statements.

The room went quiet and dark and Rose immediately began to wail. "I'll get it," Hermione said wearily, stumbling toward the baby. "It's okay sweetie, Mummy's here."

She pushed the button once. And then again. "Oh god."

"What's wrong?" Ron asked.

"I think the batteries are dead."

Rose's screaming grew louder.

"What do you mean, the batteries?"

"Batteries, Ron! Batteries! They're the muggle things that make this toy work! Your dad has loads of them in his shed, how can you not know what batteries are?" Hermione cried frantically, searching her bedside table.

"I know what a bloody battery is!"

"Don't swear in front of the baby!" She slammed the drawer shut, running her hands through her hair. "I don't have anymore. I thought I did, but I don't."

"Well what are we going to do?!" Ron cried over the baby's screaming.

"I-I don't know!" Hermione said miserably.

"I'll go check the kitchen!" Ron yelled too loudly as he charged manically out the door into the living room.

Hermione scooped Rose back into her arms and resumed bouncing once more to no avail. "Come on sweetie," Hermione told her daughter. "You don't need that toy to go to sleep, you just close your eyes-"

But Rose continued to cry.

"Okay!" Ron ran back into the room, eyes wild. "There are no batteries in the kitchen. But it's okay because I called Harry."

"Harry?!"

"Hermione," he put a hand on her shoulder looking very serious, albeit slightly crazy, "Harry lived with muggles. He knows about muggle things. He. Might. Have. Batteries."

"Okay yeah," Hermione nodded vigorously. "Yeah good plan. That's great."

There was a pop in the living room and then the sound of Harry's voice. "Ron? Hermione? Are you all right?"

"We're in the bedroom!" Ron called. "Did you bring the batteries?"

"Batteries?" Harry appeared in the doorway, his face concerned. "Why would I bring batteries?"

"You didn't bring them?" Hermione looked close to collapsing.

"Ron's patronus just burst into my house at three o'clock in the morning and said 'baby batwings' so no, I didn't bring any batteries, I panicked and got over here as fast as I could." He peered at them curiously. "What's happened to you two? Is Rose all right?"

"She won't stop crying!" Hermione said hysterically. "It doesn't matter what we do, she just. Keeps. Crying."

"We haven't slept in a week," Ron croaked. "And then that stupid, bloody, fucking toy—"

"DON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE BABY!" Hermione shrieked.

"All right," Harry said, holding up his hands in what he hoped was a pacifying manner. "Hermione, give Rose to me."

She hesitated, perhaps uncertain that anything Harry did would change their situation. "It's all right," he told her. "You two go in the living room and just sit down for a minute. I've got her."

She placed a wailing Rose into his arms and she and Ron walked into the living room where they collapsed onto the sofa.

Both Ron and Hermione would like to say that they spent the next ten minutes calming down and sweetly reassuring one another that they were doing fine as parents; that all babies cry and they were not the only people in the world who couldn't calm their distraught infant. But in actuality they both sat unmoving, eyes glazed over in a kind of stupor on either end of the sofa until Harry poked his head out of their bedroom.

"She's asleep," he told them.

Ron blinked at him. "What?"

"Rose. She's sleeping."

"How…?" Hermione seemed at a loss for words.

"Come and see."

They returned to their room to find their baby fast asleep. A spinning, glittering globe was suspended magically in the air above the basinet casting a mesmerizing light over the ceiling and walls. "What is that?" Ron asked,.

"It's a Star Spinner," Harry said. "George made it for us when James was born. I had it in my pocket so I thought I'd give it a try. Al doesn't seem particularly interested in it and I figured you three might need it more than we do."

Hermione threw her arms around Harry's neck, sobbing. "Thank you!"

Harry laughed. "No problem. Now, try to get some sleep."

Hermione woke in the morning to light streaming in the window. She pushed her hair groggily out of her face and struggled to look at the clock. 8:30am. "Ron, Ron wake up!" she said, shoving his arm and struggling toward the basinet. "Rose!"

"Whatisit?" he mumbled sleepily, "She okay?"

Hermione stared down at the sleeping baby. "I don't believe it," she said.

Ron stood and joined her. "She's still asleep."

"I have never been more glad in my life that we are best friends with Harry Potter," Hermione said fervently.

Ron laughed and pulled her back to their bed where she snuggled into his chest. "It's been weeks since we've gotten to do this," she told him.

"Since before Rosie was born. And you were quite a bit bigger then."

"I still fit though."

"Yeah." She could hear the smile in his voice even though she was facing away from him. "You always fit." He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "I'm glad you're the one doing this with me."

She turned so that she could look at him. "Me too," she said softly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Her eyes widened. "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean."

"What?"

"That's the song the toy plays! My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean!" She sighed in relief. "Oh thank Merlin, I thought that was going to bother me forever."

"I don't care if it is a Gryffindor lion. When we get out of this bed I'm going to destroy that toy."

"Even if it turns her into a Slytherin?"

"For our sanity, I'm willing to risk it," he said bravely as she laughed.

Her laughter woke Rose who began to fuss but quieted once Hermione brought her to their bed and snuggled her in between them. "What?" she asked when she caught Ron watching.

"You're an amazing mum," he said.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm barely hanging on here Ron. Last night made that very evident."

"No, I mean it, you're brilliant. This is the best thing you've ever done. I didn't think I could love you anymore but the way you look at her and take care of her…it's amazing."

Tears welled up in Hermione's eyes and she wiped them away furiously. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"You're saying such nice things and all I can do is cry. I don't know who's cried more in the last three weeks, me or her. You certainly didn't know you were signing on for a highly opinionated baby _and_ an emotionally unstable wife."

He chuckled, and cupped her face tenderly, wiping away the remaining tears with his thumb. "It's mental, but I love it. I wouldn't change a thing about our life right now. What we have is perfect."

Hermione looked down at her sweet daughter and then back into the eyes of her adoring husband. "It really is, isn't it?"

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A/N: Leave your love in the reviews!


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